Chapter 16: Friends or Lovers

Whenever Sehun gets kicked out of some girlfriend's place, he likes to talk out his problems while munching on a ton of snacks. The snacks portion is the only reason that I like Sehun being this way. He pretty much ransacks the whole snacks section of a grocery store and brings all of his goodies to my place. Now, the downside is that I'm on a diet, so I really can't pig out. Therefore, I'm stuck, watching him crunch on chips and cookies while listening to him complain and moan.

"So, I don't get what's wrong with walking a girl home after she was drunk," Sehun groans in between his munching. "I mean, I was just being a gentleman."

I try my best to look away by staring at some blank spot on my wall. Must not succumb to hunger. Must not drool over food. Must tell stomach not to growl. "Yeah, well," I manage to voice, "girls are more sensitive."

Sticking a chip in my face, Sehun questions, "Would you care . . . if your boyfriend walked a girl home but had no interest in her?" 

"Umm . . ." I place two fingers under my chin. "I don't  have a boyfriend?" 

Sehun unexpectedly blurts, "Well . . . imagine Yeonjun walking a drunk girl home. Would you care?"

"W-w-w-wait, "I stammer. "Why Yeonjun?"

Sehun now cracks open a box of cookies. He takes a cookie and starts biting away at it. With crumbs sprinkled all over his lips, he mutters with his mouth open, "Eh, you're always with him. I wouldn't be surprised if you two had already slept with each other."

"What?" I shriek, almost choking on my own saliva. "No way! We'd never--"

"Don't say never," Sehun butts in. "Plus," he continues saying while pointing another cookie in my direction, "you guys are pretty much a couple already."

"No. That's not true," I refute.

"Look," Sehun reminds me in between a bite. "What guy would have lunch with you almost every day? Yeonjun is a workaholic too, so for him to even take time out for you already means a lot."

"Still . . ." I argue. "We've known each other for so long, and my heart doesn't exactly race faster when I see him."

"If he suddenly had a girlfriend, how would you feel then?" 

"Cheated," I automatically respond.

"Because?"

"He didn't tell me anything about her."

"And?"

"That's it?"

"If Yeonjun had a girlfriend, then he'd be with her more often. He probably wouldn't be able to go out with you individually and even if he did, he'd have to do that secretly or he'd introduce his girlfriend to you and you'd be caught in between two people."

"But that'd happen even if we weren't close friends," I clarify.

"Yeah, but you're too close to each other."

"But I'm close with you guys too!"

"But you're still closer to him."

"But . . ."

"Okay," Sehun relieves a sigh and pops open a can of soda. "Out of all the guys in our group, who could you possibly ever date?"

"That's really--"
"Just answer me."

I take a moment to think. Sehun is definitely a no no. I don't want to be like a mother looking after her son. Howon is already taken, and he's a bit too dull for me to like. Eunhyuk is so clueless that sometimes, I just want to break him in half. Myungsoo barely has any emotions. Okay, so what about Yeonjun? He's not very considerate or sweet, but I know he'd be loyal to me. He doesn't have the best dating record, and I don't know much about his love life. However, he's a good listener, and he usually gives good advice. He also works hard, so . . .

"I guess . . . maybe . . .Yeonjun," I murmur very, very quietly and keep my head very, very low. I'd rather not face Sehun's startling gaze. I can totally imagine him pointing at me and screaming that he told me so. 

"See?" Sehun instantly pounces at my response and does what I expected of him. "Told you that you like him! He likes you too!"

"But I don't want to date him," I correct him.

"Because you're scared to lose him if you two ever break up?" Since I don't answer, Sehun moans, "Argh! You two drive me crazy!"

"What? What?" I utter.

"Because Yeonjun has the same thinking as you! But . . . at least he knows himself more than you."

"Meaning?"

"He has known about his feelings for you ever since a long time ago."

"Th-th-then, why didn't he ever tell me?"

"Because you're super dense, and he didn't want to be rejected."

For the rest of the night, I can't sleep. I keep thinking about what Suho and Sehun said. Yeonjun likes me. That seems like a given fact. I probably have feelings for him which I keep denying. So if I don't want to lose Yeonjun completely does that mean that I should date him? And what about Suho? He said to choose him.

What should I do? What should I do?

----

I wake up the next morning to find movers placing boxes of cardboard onto the ground of my apartment. I actually wake up much earlier because of all the noise that these workers are making. Still, in my pajamas, I find Sehun commanding the movers, and immediately, I shriek, "Wh-wh-what are you doing?"

Sehun looks at me indifferently and answers as a matter of fact: "Moving."

"I meant that you could stay for a week with some luggage, but not . . . throwing everything at my place!" I shout so powerfully that I think I'm getting a headache.

"Oh," Sehun forms a solid O with his lips. "I guess . . . I'll be here for longer then."

"What do you mean you'll be here longer?" I bellow, almost wanting to shake him back and forth. "You clearly said that you would leave by the end of the week, and now--"

"It's not like I can tell the movers to go away," Sehun pouts his lips and argues.

"But you agreed that--"

"How about this?" Sehun sticks his finger up to shut me up and offers. "I will tell you about your compatibility with Yeonjun."

"But you don't even understand my frustrations!"

Sehun instantly clings onto my hands, shouting, "Oh my fu.cking god, Leia! There's another man?"

"What are you talking about another man?" I frown at him. "I've told you guys before that I had a boyfriend."

"Oh," Sehun mutters. "We all pretty much thought you were lying, except for Eunhyuk. He pretty much believes in everything someone says anyways."

I fold my arms, roaring, "Since when would I lie? Huh? Why would I lie about getting a boyfriend?"

Raising his shouldres, Sehun answers, "Don't know. You've always been pretty odd, but that's what we like about you, Leia."

"Thanks, Sehun," I sigh. 

"So that means you'll let me look at your birth chart and theirs?" Sehun verifies.

I think I must have forgotten to mention that Sehun's side job is an astrologist. He believes that fate has everything planned out for us, and that makes me wonder why his relationships always fail if he's that good at calculating compatability. Sehun explains this away by saying that he is blinded by his own emotions when it comes to himself. And just in case you're wondering how Sehun got into astrology, well, let's just say that he wanted to attract females when he was in high school. Therefore, he started to study Astrology. Of course, a ton of girls went to him for help, and he became super popular among girls. That's what I learned from Eunhyuk. Only he'd blab so much about the past.

"I guess," I agree.

Whenever Sehun needs to be an astrologist, he has to dress the role, meaning that he has to put on a pair of thick rimmed glasses and wear really preppy clothes. Somehow, he claims that makes him smarter and makes his mind clearer. I really don't understand him at times. Regardless, I play the role of his client and listen to his remarks.

"So here's the deal," Sehun utters. "You're basically compatible to both of these guys."

Okay . . . that doesn't really help huh? 

Sehun then continues to say, "Suho can tend to your emotional needs while Yeonjun is better off with your physical ones."

"Wh-wh-what?" I stammer. I've never dreamt of sleeping with Yeonjun . . . ever. I've never wanted to kiss him either or even touch him in any way or shape or form. This is inaccurate. This is just bad!

Sehun makes this tsk sound before cracking his knuckles and sputtering, "I'm telling you the truth, so stop denying it. You know you want to sleep with Yeonjun."

Immediately, a risqué image forms in my mind. Our eyes are blacked out, and we're both very naked on the bed. He is hovering over me, about to pin me down . . . Okay. Let's stop there. That is just wrong. Shame on me for even having that image.

"No," I argue. "Yeonjun and I aren't like that."

"Oh stop making you guys sound so noble!" Sehun rolls his eyes and exclaims. "Who really cares if you guys have a night of fun together? We're all adults here. Anyhow, I think Suho would make a better husband and Yeonjun would be a better lover. Yeonjun isn't exactly father material. Yeonjun does, however, have the patience to understand your ideas. You'll feel like you connect more to Yeonjun in that sense. Suho, though, might superficially get you; day to day stuff, Suho can sense your emotions easily."

What Sehun says gets me thinking . . . 

If I'm compatible with Suho and Yeonjun, then what should I do? Suho will give me the stability I need, but Yeonjun is the one that truly understands me. Suho will care more about me, yet Yeonjun is more self-centered. Yeonjun also has a cruel side that I haven't experienced yet, whereas Suho may be indecisive at times. Suho is also more aware of his feelings and more sensitive about mine. Yeonjun is dense and ignorant of other people's feelings. They're slight opposites.

I'm not sure what to feel or think. I'm not even sure what I want. Suho gave me this huge hint that he liked me. What about Yeonjun? Should I hear what he has to say before making any hasty decisions? Should I even be approaching this situation so logically? Aren't I supposed to know who I like or want to be with within an instant? People say to listen to your heart, but all I hear is some rhythmic beating. Yeah . . . here is my mind babbling. To be with Yeonjun or Suho. That's a hard question. Am I even the one to decide? 

I guess it's all up to Yeonjun now. So what happens if he says that he wants to be with him? Then, it's back to square one? Argh. Why am I so indecisive at times? Why can't I just flat out say no to either of them? Am I that selfish? I know they're good catches. They both have good careers. They look fine. Their personalities are good. They're too evenly matched, and now I understand how that drama girl feels. Who's guy number one in this real life drama?

Suho or Yeonjun?

A girl is supposed to go with guy number one right? That's the classic drama rule, and what happens if I defy everything? Will I not get my happy ending?

The selfish part of me wants to experience both relationships to see which one actually works. That obviously isn't possible, and do I really want to ruin a great friendship I already have with Yeonjun? Once you're in a relationship and you break up, there's a slim chance that you can be friends again. I want Yeonjun to be there for me, and I know that if we're always friends, then that's going to happen. There's that awful mentality that if all else fails, at least Yeonjun will be there for me.

So what happens if he disappears one day from my life completely?

I really don't know. I've never considered a day where he's not there. Maybe, he's at some business trip, but I think eventually, we'll meet up. We'll catch up again. When he's married then, can he do that with me? Will his wife allow it? I can't believe how I've never thought about those questions. I seem to have taken him for granted. Yeonjun and I can't always be the same. Whatever we have going on is just temporary. We're both lying to ourselves and ignoring this issue. 

There are really only two options: let's just be friends or let's be lovers.

And I want to know what Yeonjun thinks because right now, I don't even know what's better for the two of us.