Chapter 61: The Innocent Boy Acquires a Habit and the Hidden Devil Starts Afresh
Drink, after drink, after drink, Junsu would snap at the bartender for more. He would order bottles of beer and count how many he had finished. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven . . .

“Yeah, you’ve been coming here every day now,” the bartender muffled. “You should really stop drinking like this. It’s no good for your health.”
“Don’t fucking tell me what’s good or not good for me,” Junsu blabbered.
He almost knocked down the empty bottles of beer sporadically placed on the counter. He was tired of everything. He didn’t need to hear more counseling. He wanted to drown himself to forget about all that happened. It’s just a girl, he kept muttering to himself. It’s just a relationship, he frequently said in between his sips. It’s just  . . .
He vehemently slammed the half-full beer bottle onto the table and then rested his head on his flaccid shoulder. His headache was excruciating, worsening night after night of drinking. He preferred it that way. He could withstand physical pain more so than emotional ones. This was the easiest way to distract himself.
People could critique that Junsu was avoiding the issue, but he preferred to argue that he was healing, healing a broken heart. He thought he had given his all. He thought he had lived in the moment. He had forgotten, however, that in a relationship, he was not the only one involved. She too had a say.
He now curled his fingers to grasp at his throbbing chest. His heart was beating too loudly. Glancing to his right, he saw a lady sitting beside him. She looked too much like her. Perhaps, he was becoming delusional, but he didn’t care anymore. Without any dithering, he faced her and inquired, “Can you hear my heart beating? Can you hear my heart aching?”
The woman immediately walked away, believing that she had met a peculiar figure. Junsu just sobbed with yet another drink in his hand. He let the tears stream down his face, not minding those that were watching him. He had a rule, which was to show whatever he felt. He didn’t care about pride. What was there to keep when all was lost? If he didn’t demonstrate how he felt, then how would others know?
He didn’t want them to know though, so he chose to cry out of the house, alone. He didn’t know what else to do. Emotions were overriding everything that was left of him. Could pain be numbed?
Only if he drank . . . 
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Changmin didn’t say goodbye. He thought goodbyes were overrated, too dramatic for his liking. He didn’t tell anyone that he was leaving. He only left a note on the refrigerator, which consisted of two sentences.
I’ll be at Beppu for a teaching job. If you want to reach me, then just drop an email or a phone call.
This action could have been too blasé for others to tolerate. However, the boys understood that this was Changmin’s style. Changmin never discussed his problems with any of them, preferring to solve them by himself. He claimed that they didn’t know anything, but they knew that Changmin just didn’t want them to worry. As a result, none of them ever asked Changmin what was wrong. It simply wasn’t necessary, just like before.
Changmin had almost relocated to America for high school because his mother had wanted him to attend an Ivy League university. He would have moved if Jaejoong had not discovered that letter of acceptance on Changmin’s table.
“Wh-what is this?”Jaejoong shouted, holding onto a sheet of paper to Changmin’s face.
All the boys had decided to meet at Changmin’s for a study session because he had the best resources, mainly due to his mother’s efforts. Jaejoong had nosily decided to creep into Changmin’s unlocked room to borrow an eraser and some paper. Sure, that might have been Jaejoong’s excuse to skim at what Changmin had in his room. Actually, everyone had been wondering what Changmin’s room looked like. He had never allowed them to go upstairs, but this time, he was too busy tutoring Junsu English that he had forgotten all about his rule.
“Why did you go upstairs?” Changmin hollered. “Didn’t I say—“
“That’s irrelevant,” Jaejoong interrupted hastily. “What the heck is this? Acceptance to New York—“
“I’m thinking of moving next year to study there.”
“What?” Junsu leapt from his seat to scream. “Why all of a—“
“Well, it’s really not something unexpected,” Changmin explained. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and so have my parents—“
“And you didn’t think you needed to tell us?” Jaejoong cut him off.
“I was thinking of telling you guys after I decided for sure.”
“I’m deciding for you,” Jaejoong rambled. “You are not leaving here.”
“Damn that ungrateful kid,” Jaejoong cursed.
He almost tore the piece of paper into tiny bits. Luckily, Rhett snatched it before that happened. After reading Changmin’s short sentences, Rhett sighed.
“Sounds like Changmin,” Rhett noted. “I wonder when he decided to do this and I wonder why.”
“It’s good that he’s gone,” Junsu proclaimed after sipping on some herbal tea. “I don’t want to see him for a while.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jaejoong roared.
These days Junsu was nothing but a nuisance. He came back reeking of alcohol and practically wobbling to reach his bathroom, where he would vomit until he fell asleep beside the toilet. It would be up to either Jaejoong or Rhett to drag Junsu back to his bedroom.  
“Don’t fucking ask me in that tone,” Junsu retorted. “I’m fucking sick of taking all this shit!”
He then stormed off, exiting their home. He felt they didn’t understand his situation at all. They couldn’t. How could they when they were never in the same position? They could claim that they could relate to him, but was that the same as undergoing such matters? No, it wasn’t and that was precisely what infuriated him. None of them would ever understand.
Jaejoong almost chased after Junsu to demand him to apologize, but Rhett pulled Jaejoong aside and informed, “Just leave Junsu alone. He probably needs some time for himself.”
“Even if he needs some time alone, he can’t say stuff like that,” Jaejoong argued. “I admit Changmin can be an asshole, well he’s an asshole for the most part, but he would never, ever say something like that!”
Rhett sighed, “Just let it go. Junsu . . . is probably suffering deep down.”
“Don’t fucking side with him when you have no idea what the hell is running through his mind,” Jaejoong hollered. “Don’t fucking tell me that you know everything because you frigging don’t, Yunho. You see, that’s a problem with you. You assume. You never try to figure out the truth about others because you’re so goddamn self-centered!”
A strained atmosphere, indeed. One by one, time would pass and with the passing of time was the inescapable feature, change. Perhaps, it was impossible to sense modifications for now, but surely, after the transformations were complete, the boys would realize how different they were compared to before. This would be inexorable like death.
Possibilities and their impossibilities.

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