Chapter 23: Code Black
"So in the end, he just wants you to be the affair."

That's the conclusion that Sehun arrives for me. Let's back track a bit. After Yeonjun's suggestion, he and I rode down the elevator together in silence. It wasn't until we reached the ground floor did he let me know that he'd give me some time to think about it. Fortunately, I asked him what happened if I said no. He said that that was okay. We would just be normal friends and that we'd mostly hang out with the whole crew.

Now, because of my dilemma, I go right back home. Yeonjun said that he couldn't send me back because he had matters to attend to. I'm not mad at him for being that way. I accept that he is busy. It's just that . . .


"So?" Sehun asks while stirring his spoon in his cup of red tea. The two of us are sitting across from each other in my kitchen. We both have drinks in front of us; I have my hot water whereas he has his tea. This is our way of having a meaningful talk. I would have picked something nice to drink, but seeing that I'm dieting, I decide to go with water. Meh. I'm actually just lucky that he happened to be home. I really don't know what I'd do without someone advising me now.

"I . . . don't know," I mumble and lean my cheek on my palm. I'm pretty sure I have horrible posture right now with my back all slouched and my face slanted to the side. Even Sehun gives me that little stare, causing me to sit upright and mutter, "Technically, I'm in a relationship with . . . Suho, but . . ."

"I'm actually surprised that Suho hasn't tried to find you," Sehun unexpectedly remarks.

"Ah!" I stand up, yelling. 

"What?" Sehun asks with a puzzled look. "What's wrong?"

I run towards the couch where my purse is. "I need to check my phone," I declare. After finding my phone, I realize that I have around . . . 15 missed calls and 23 unread texts, and they are mostly from Suho. Eunhyuk only sent two. "Oh my God! Oh my God!" I walk around in a panic, flapping my arms like a little chicken. "What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Ah! He called so many times and sent me so many texts! Ah!"

"Well, answer him? Tell him you're okay? Call him?"

"Oh! You're right, Sehun! You're a genius . . . but . . . wait . . . what do I tell him?"

"That's a good question . . . I guess you could say that--"

"Ah!" I literally toss my phone in the air, and it luckily lands on the sofa. "He's calling! He's calling!" My fingers are fanning myself like crazy while my feet are doing those footballers' speed runs. "Oh my God! Oh my God!" I squeal anxiously. "I don't want to answer it. I don't want to . . . I don't want to--"


During this whole time that I'm panicking to the point where I want to start a nail baiting habit, Sehun has gotten up from his seat and marched to my ringing phone. In fact, he even answered it for me just then. Gah! This is awful. This is awful. This is the worst decision I have ever made in my life. Ah! Cringe times 10 to the 83.

Although I shoot Sehun a menacing stare, he still continues to respond, "Oh, this is Sehun. I'm Leia's friend. I sent her home last night after finding out that she twisted her ankle and banged her head on the floor during the party." 

What . . . sort of . . . lie is that? My eyes narrow till they form little slits on my face. Mmm . . . even I'm a huge skeptic for that type of lie. 

Sehun gives me an okay sign as he explains, "Yes. She is okay. We went to the hospital and got everything checked out. Oh . . . she is just sleeping now, you know after a concussion, things are pretty bad. I'm afraid the doctor said she won't remember much about last night or maybe even more." 

What . . . the hell . . . Sehun? I'm about to tackle him over, yet he shows me a thumbs up. Uh . . . is Suho really believing all this bu, And if he does, can he get even more naive? Huh? 

"All right," Sehun at last replies after a long pause. "I'll let her know. Oh no. You don't have to thank me. I didn't do much anyways." Click. The phone goes off, and Sehun breathes in deeply. "So . . . uh . . . this Suho will be coming over to visit you right now," he announces. 

"Wh-wh-what?" My mouth gapes widely before the tip of my tongue touches the roof of my mouth. "You're sh.itting me . . ."

"No. I'm not kidding," Sehun remarks. "In fact, he said that he'll be here in twenty minutes or less."

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" I freak out, shaking my head side to side. "Oh my fu.cking God!" I curse when I see all the boxes in this household. 

They're all Sehun's. It's so clear that someone is moving in with me. The worst part is that Sehun is half-packed, meaning that there are male supplies hanging around. Plus, I have to get my costume ready since Sehun says that I'm crippled and that I lost some parts of my memory. At least, I can pick which parts I forgot right? 

"You!" I suddenly holler. "You go hide all of your male c.rap while I figure out what to wear and what to say!"

"All right," he agrees and hurries off to do his work.

Sprinting to my room, I try to think of something that'll look decent. What is actually clean from my clothes? I think I put off laundry for too long that nearly 80% of my closet has been used. Do I even have a pair of bra and panties that match? Wait . . . he's not going to be able to sleep with me since I "had" a concussion. I'm like a patient, right? There's no way that he'd touch a patient, a fake one that is . . . 

Whatever. I can do well with unmatched lingerie. I have to figure out what to wear on the outside first. Uh . . . 

"Sehun!" I hollered desperately.

"What?" His voice lingers into my room.

"What should I wear?" I shout back.

"You've supposedly just gotten out of the hospital, so wear something . . . believable . . . you know . . . casual?"

"Like . . . sweats and a t-shirt?"

"Uh . . ."

"Something more feminine?"

Feminine . . . What is exactly feminine? Lace. Flowers. Panties. Garter belts. Silk. Bathrobe. Brassieres. Why . . . am I think of lingerie? Ah! I have the mind of a perverted old man. Ah! Ah! Where are my female hormones off to? Huh? Okay, I had flowers in my thoughts. Something floral . . .

"A floral tank top?" I suggest aloud. "Silk . . . bathrobe?"

"Just wear like a t-shirt dress. You have those right? Like a baggie, long t-shirt and then pair it with some tights?"

T-shirt dress . . . I don't really get what Sehun meant by that, but he did say long t-shirt. I dig through my closet to find a larger t-shirt of mine. I remember participating in some marathon back in the days when I was fit or rather I had to for high school. They wanted the whole school to run some marathon, and for doing that, we would get volunteer hours which we needed in order to graduate. Anyhow, that t-shirt was a large since that was the only size available then. I remember it being super baggy on me, and when I finally find it and put it on, I take a look in the mirror and notice that it's as if someone has tossed me into a heavy blanket and cut me out of it. Instead of the paperbag princess, I'm the blanket woman. Uh . . . is this feminine at all . . .? 

Now for the tights, I think all of them are dirty. I settle with a pair of navy knee high socks from high school. Those are close enough right? 


I show myself in front of my mirror once more. 


Immediately, I fall to my knees defeated. I even want to throw up. I look so bad that I'd be better off naked. That might be feminine enough.

"Hey! I think someone is at the door!" Sehun comes into my room and announces. "Holy cra.p! What in the world are you wearing?"

Lifting my head up and pouting, I croak, "What you told me to wear . . ."  

"Take those off! Take those off asap!" he demands while rushing to my closet. Quickly, I hop to my bed and hide in the blanket. I'm about to take my t-shirt off when Sehun snaps, "What are you doing in bed?"

"Uh . . . changing out of my clothes? So you don't see me?" 

"I'm not going to do anything, so get out of there!" he barks, snapping his fingers together. "Now here!" He tosses a light grey, V-cut t-shirt towards me and a pair of black shorts. 

"What if he sees my leg hair?" I shout.

"You were wearing a dress yesterday too!"

"But hair can grow quickly over night!"

"Just wear those. He's not going to look at your leg hair!"

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Ah! He's here! He's here!" I shriek and bury myself in my blanket.

"Yeah! Get out of there! It's not like he's thunder or anything scary!" Sehun tugs the blanket away from me, pulling it all the way to the floor. "Now hurry and change while I talk to Suho."

Before I can even stop Sehun, he is already out the door. My bedroom door shuts, and there I find my "feminine" outfit waiting for me to wear it. All right, I say to myself in my head, I can do this. I'll pretend that I've never had leg hair. I am a beautiful, beautiful woman. Yeah . . . with a twisted ankle and a bad memory of what happened yesterday.

Twisted ankle! My ankle isn't swollen at all. Stupid Sehun didn't think through this whole thing clearly. Still, I change into the t-shirt and shorts, but stay in bed with my blanket hiding my legs. Sehun and Suho are still talking, I think. Maybe, Sehun thinks I should be out and about. No way man. I'm going to be guarding my lovely ankle like a real injured person.

"Suho? You're here?" I call out from my room. "I-I-I-I'll try to get o-o-o-out from here, but . . . Ouch!"

"Are you all right?" Suho wonders. The door opens, and there is Suho following Sehun. Suho rushes to my side and places his hand on my forehead. "Are you feeling all right now? Is your head hurting from the fall?"

He should be asking about my ankle as opposed to my head . . .

"Yeah." I fake a weak smile. "I'm sorry about last night. I mean, I should have called you after . . ."

"It's fine. As long as you're all right, then everything is fine." Suho, crouching down, holds onto my hand and caresses it. 

Sehun, who for some reason is still behind Suho, stick out his tongue and makes an obnoxious face. Then, he proceeds to hug himself and pretend to make out. A few seconds later, he acts out someone giving another person a blow job before pumping his hips up and down. What the is he doing? Is he purposely trying to sabotage me or . . . 

"You okay, Leia? You look like you've seen a ghost," Suho comments. His hand again touches my forehead.

"Aha . . . I think my head still hurts and my ankle too, a bit."

"Maybe I should take a look at your ankle--"

"Oh no. Oh no," I refute. "The doctor has already looked at it, so it's all good. I just have to stay in bed for a few days."

"Oh that's too bad," Suho notes. "I was actually thinking of taking you . . . somewhere special." One peek at Sehun and I see that he is acting out another sex position where the girl is on top of the guy like she's riding a horse. Uh . . . Suho again asks, "You okay? Head still hurting?"

"Slightly . . ." I pretend to act weak by lowering my voice to a whisper and looking downwards to the side. "Um . . . where did you want to take me? Mm?"

Suho leans towards me and gently says, "My favourite place in the world . . . my home."

I back away out of instinct. My cheeks are super hot. His favourite place in the world. His home. Just the two of us. One thing can lead to another, and then . . . bam! Sex at night. Sex in the kitchen. Sex in the bathroom. Sex in bed. Sex on the living room carpet. Sex against the wall. Ah! Why can I only think of that? Ah! It must be Sehun! I take a glimpse at Sehun again, and he repeats the blow job moves, but this time, he points at Suho's back and then mouths that Suho is a fu.cking player. Good thing I communicate well enough that I've learned to read the guys' lips. We used to say stuff to one another across the room like that since we were too lazy to move from our locations. You know, if Eunhyuk were gaming, he wouldn't want to do anything else and he didn't want to shout, so in the end, we'd just mouth words at each other like cool police agents.

"Leia?" Suho calls me again.


"Would you . . . want to come over some time then?"

After seeing Sehun's reaction, I sort of hesitate, but knowing that I need to figure out what Suho has in mind for the winter and spring lines, I have to go to his place. "Sure!" I utter. "I'd love to! I'll let you know when I'm free this week!"

"Sounds good," Suho answers before standing up. Sehun, being the smart guy he is, disappears to the living room. Suho, on the other hand, gives me a peck on the cheek. "Get better then."

"Th-th-thanks," I stammer.

Just as Suho is about to leave my room, he utters, "And I hope you don't believe in what your friend will say to you about me. I'm a completely different person now."


What is Suho talking about?

I scratch the back of my head, wondering what I'm about to hear from Sehun. I'm anticipating all the bad things possible in the world to happen. Maybe, Suho stalked some lady. It could be that he raped someone. Hit a girl? Did hardcore drugs? Got addicted to booze? Went to rehab? Stole from a mall? Evaded taxes? Got a girl pregnant and refused to . . . 


Sehun tumbles into my room, falling onto his knees. I laugh at him tripping on his own feet. So stupid. He doesn't even fight back, rather, he groans, "You . . . I'm calling . . . for Code Black!"

Code Black. is going serious. The gang is making their comeback. Boy group: SHEMY. Made up of who? Sehun, Howon, Eunhyuk, Myungsoo, and Yeonjun. Time to anticipate the unexpected.

But wait . . . I didn't give Yeonjun a reply yet . . .

Too late. Sehun already sent out the text. I got it on my phone too, and the meeting is on tonight.
For some reason, whenever anyone calls Code Black, the guys all come dressed in some sort of black. They think it's cool to be like Men in Black with the shades and the sleek suits. I swear that no matter how old the guy is, his secret dream must be to be some sort of hot super hero, such as Iron Man, Batman or Spiderman. I'm excluding Superman just because I can throw a piece of kryptonite and he can die. Lame.

This time, all of the guys come to my place wearing stuff a rock star would put on. There are the typical leather jackets, boots, black skinny jeans, a few chains here and there, skull rings, and even red, plaid pants. Those pants belong to Sehun. No Only Myungsoo seems kind of normal with his leather jacket, black sulky t-shirt that says "Die" in bold, white letters, and black sweatpants. Even the tacky Eunhyuk comes with a zebra patterned fedora, shiny jet black harem pants along with the same coloured blazer, a zebra-print tie, and a pair of high-top Nike sneakers. Making his grand entrance to my apartment, he moon walks. Oh my God.

Luckily, Howon agrees with me as to how stupid Eunhyuk is being, and I know because Howon grimaces at Eunhyuk at first glance. Howon, thankfully, is wearing his typical black suit. I'm pretty sure he's the only one with a standard job. Coming right after Howon is Yeonjun. I almost gasp and forget to breathe when I greet him here at the door. I really didn't think Yeonjun would still come to Code Black, especially in . . . casual clothes. He has a licorice knit beanie, a loose, long sweater, jeans, and biker boots.

"What?" Yeonjun, who is taking off his boots, snaps at me. As everyone leaves him and me behind, he whispers when he passes by me, "Fallen harder for me?"

"Y-y-y-you--" I grumble.

"So," Eunhyuk collapses into my comfiest couch, "what's the deal-io? Code Black means some serious Sehun."

Sehun, who is all decked out in various brand names, stands up confidently and clears his throat. "Guys," he announces, "remember someone called Han Suho?"

"Suho . . ." Eunhyuk scratches the bottom of his chin. "Sounds so familiar. Why? Is he famous or something?"

"Are you referring to Han Suho from Hana Cosmetics?" Howon, who is making glasses of water for us in my kitchen, confirms.

"Indeed," Sehun answers firmly.

Myungsoo takes a seat beside Eunhyuk before explaining, "Him. Let me see if I have his data in my laptop. I remember making the yearbook for our high school, so I should have everyone's information still stored somewhere." I hear a few computer bangs and clicks, and then Myungsoo clicks his tongue. "Right. Han Suho, born June 19th, graduated the same year as us. His dad is the owner of Hana Cosmetics. Back in high school, he has had links to several of the beauties of multiple high schools. In fact, I had even plotted a chart of his supposed flings. Want to see?"

"I do!" Eunhyuk raises one of his arms in the air. Within a minute, his eyes brighten and his mouth opens. "Whoa! So many lines! Do those all mean relationships?"

"According to my legend," Myungsoo clarifies, "the red lines mean one-night stands. The black ones are the steady ones. I classified steady as a relationship lasting for more than three months."

"Holy!" Eunhyuk shouts. "So many one-night stands! Like fu.cking triple that of the black ones!"

"My calculations estimated that he switched girlfriends on average of 2 months, but if you take into account one-night stands, then, he switched within half a day."

"Holy crap!" Eunhyuk continues to yell. "Mind blown." He lifts his hands in the air while shaking his head like a foolish monkey. "Mind blown."

On the other hand, Yeonjun, grabbing a glass of water from Howon, scoffs, "I'm not that surprised. I would have expected a faster rate. Hope he checks out his body. Makes you wonder how many STDs he has spread huh?"

"Ha!" Myungsoo chuckles. "Imagine AIDs. Now I want to figure out an equation for that. If he contracted AIDs, how many would he potentially affect and what would be the rate of the infection?" Subsequently, he stretches his hands out front and begins typing away.

"Wait," Howon interrupts, "why are we even talking about Suho? He's just some high school classmate . . ."

"Not just any," Sehun corrects. "He's dating Leia."

"Quoi le" Eunhyuk points at me and swears. Eunhyuk likes incorporating foreign swear words whenever he swears. He thinks that's the coolest thing to do. In this case, he uses French and English. "I mean, I was at another high school but even I've heard of this Suho. The kingka at his high school was like his best buddy or something, and that Suho would come watch our fights. He seemed to enjoy watching people suffer, and he impregnated some pretty girl at our school! She had to drop out once her belly got too big! Leia! What the hell are you thinking . . . dating him?"

"Um . . ." I mumble.

"I don't think he's a very good candidate either," Howon notes. "I believe he had a grudge on Yeonjun and Minjun."

"Yeah," Sehun interjects. "Just because they dated Haneul. Plus, he has always had the hots for her. He probably still hates Yeonjun for making her his fiancee."

"I . . . don't think he'd be that immature," I utter, "and . . . he didn't approach me because I knew Yeonjun. I was the one . . . that actually crashed into Suho. I thought he was a waiter at first."

"Leia does have a point," Myungsoo vouches for me. "You can't just assume that people are still the same after all these years, and you can't assume that he is playing with her without any concrete evidence. You haven't seen anything suspcious from him right, Leia?"

"Yeah . . . he has been very nice to me. He introduced me to his friends at a party too. I believe Yeonjun was there too."

"Yeonjun!" Sehun gasps. "Thought you said you'd never associate with that sort of Richard Simmons!"

Yeonjun finishes his cup of water, licks the edge of his lips dry, and then answers, "Well, Haneul wanted to go to his friend's birthday party."

"Still!" Sehun has his fists to his sides, curling them like little snowballs. 

"Okay. Okay," Howon cuts in. "We have to lay off the past here. We just have to make sure that Suho is serious about Leia."

All of the boys gawk at me, waiting for my response. Since I'm put on the spotlight, I blurt the first thing that comes into my mind: "He . . . invited me to his place this week?"

Sehun snaps his fingers and bobs his head side to side like a diva. "He just wants to screw Leia and then dump her the day after," he announces.

Myungsoo even adds, "If that is the case, I wonder how he will lure her into it, but then again, it isn't hard to trick Leia."

"Hey!" I growl at Myungsoo, who purposely goes back to working on his equation.

Eunhyuk then remarks, "Yeah, I bet he's going to ask for a blow job first. You better practice your bananas. Lick those well, girlfriend, and then I'm pretty sure there will be some of this." Eunhyuk goes some hip movements, thrusting side to side and up and down. Then, he fakes some orgasm noises while shouting, "Oh! Harder! Harder! Ah! I'm cumming! I'm . . . I'm about to--"

"Eunhyuk, don't show those inapprorpriate stuff to Leia!" Howon butts in with a fierce glare. "And Sehun, don't say something stuff like that to Leia!"

Sehun presses on: "Well, you know what I'm saying is true. All Suho has in mind is how to make sure his Richard Simmons--"

"Leia," Howon carefully gives me a gentle smile, "I'd suggest you put your hands over your ears for a minute or so."

"Oh . . ." 

I listen to Howon's request, and soon, Howon starts shouting. I'm assuming that he is cursing at Sehun and saying some crazy things. Believe it or not, Howon actually comes from a well-known family of gangsters, and he was raised by a bunch of yankees. Obviously, he doesn't want to be associated with gangsters, so he always has the image of the perfect man. He even works as a lead detective, solving homicides, and in front of his girlfriend, he never shows his bad side. I'm surprised then that Howon is going this far for this problem. He is even marching towards Sehun, almost starting a fight.

All of a sudden, I feel a set of hands pull my arms down, and I turn to find Yeonjun walking past me. He goes in between the boys, stating, "If . . . Leia wants to date Suho, then I don't think we should stop her. She is old enough to make her own decisions, and we're old enough to respect them too."

"I concur," Myungsoo says without looking up from the screen of his laptop.

"Even if Suho is obviously a bad guy?" Sehun barks.

Howon admits, "Well .  . . there still isn't proof that Suho actually . . . I guess I can send some of my guys to watch him over."  

"Thought you were completely clean from your family," Yeonjun snickers.

"I'm not doing anything illegal," Howon defends himself.

"Never said you were," Yeonjun murmurs. "Don't get so sensitive, pal."

"You know how I feel about my own circumstan--"

"Oh my fuc.king God!" Eunhyuk unexpectedly pops out of nowhere from my hallway. Did he go use the washroom? Oh crap! That means . . . Sehun and I give each other a quick look. is on our minds. "Leia! I found a male toothbrush! What the . . . hell?" He waves the blue toothbrush back and forth in the air.

"Who . . . moved in with you Leia?" Howon wonders. "Thought . . . you were debating whether or not to date Suho . . ."

"Um," I bite my bottom lip, "you see, the truth is that--"

"That's mine," Sehun boldly answers. "I'm staying at Leia's place for a while because my ex threw me out and--"

"Oh," Howon notes. "You could have just stayed at my place."

"Staying at whoever's place doesn't really matter right?" Sehun tries to argue. "We're all good buddies, right?"

"Pfft yeah, but it's still fu.cking weird! A guy and a girl living together!" Eunhyuk points out. "It's like you two are dating or something. Wait . . . Hyung, is that why you called Code Black? You wanted us to stop this so . . . you could have a chance with Leia?"

I'm not sure what to say. I mean, Sehun did confess to me, but is it fair to let everyone know that? I don't think so. As I keep my silence, Sehun does too. It's as if we're both waiting for each other to do something and then react to it, yet the two of us are at a stalemate. 

What's worse is what Eunhyuk says next. "And Hyung likes to wear nothing at home! That means you've seen his package! Have you guys slept with each other?"

"No!" Sehun and I both shout. "Of course not!"

"Oh," Eunhyuk breathes a sigh of relief. "Almost scared me there. But still . . . Hyung, you haven't answered my question yet."

Unexpectedly, Yeonjun chimes with his arms crossed together, "I'm surprised you guys never decided to tell us that you were living together. It wouldn't have been awkward in that case."

I feel guilty already. I know that Yeonjun has probably misunderstood us. He really thinks that I'm dating Sehun, but I don't blame Yeonjun for thinking that way. I still let Sehun stay at my place even though he said he would move out. I'm the one that made everything so messy. I'm the one that's . . . leading Sehun on . . .

"I was . . . being selfish," Sehun confesses. "Eunhyuk, you were--"

"We are dating," I interrupt. "Sehun and me."

At the sound of my statement, all of the guys explode in their own ways. Myungsoo almost drops his laptop onto the ground. Eunhyuk jumps in the air, nearly missing his balance. Sehun shifts his attention to me, frowning. Howon's jaw is way too open, and then there's Yeonjun with one of the worst stares I've ever witnessed from him. It's as if I betrayed him, and . . . he's right. I didn't even tell him my reply, and here I am broadcasting red, hot gossip in front of everyone.  

"If . . . that's the case," Eunhyuk mutters, "then . . . why was he calling Code Black?"

"I . . . hadn't made up my mind yet back then," I admit. "I was going to decide . . . after I visited Suho's place over the week. I mean . . . it's sort of hard to jump from being friends to . . . something more . . .?"

"Leia . . ." Sehun mumbles. 

"Well, that's that then." Yeonjun wipes his hands together. "Everything is resolved. Congratulations you two."

"Wow . . ." Eunhyuk ponders like a little, innocent boy. "I never knew . . . but . . . Leia, hyung might be a douche bag sometimes, but he's a good guy!"

Sehun scratches the top of his head; he seems to be afraid to make eye contact with me. I'm pretty sure I'm blushing too, and to ease the situation, Howon utters, "You can still act like yourself in front of us, Leia. I'll make sure the guys don't tease you."

"There's no need to tease," Myungsoo notifies. "Watching them be shy, middle school kids on their own is enough. Awkward people . . ."

"Says the guy who thinks 2-D girls are better than real life ones," Sehun counters.

"Hey! Don't you judge me on my preferences," Myungsoo snaps. "Oh by the way Leia," Myungsoo tells me, "if you're interested in what sort of porn Sehun is into, just let me know. I can figure that out for you easily. Just have to hack into his account and see. Actually, I don't think I even need to hack at all. I think I can guess his password pretty easily."

"I'm going to go back to work then," Yeonjun proclaims while heading for the entrance.

I don't know why, but I chase after him. He is already slipping his shoes on, yet I utter, "Wait. I'm sorry."

"Why are you saying sorry?" he scoffs as he bends down to fix one of his buckles. His neck angles up, and his soulless eyes stare at me. "You made your choice already."

"It's just that I--"

"He can give you what you seek," he utters, standing up now. 

I watch him place his hand on the doorknob. I feel my chest growing sore. I know I don't want him to leave. I know that once he pushes open that door, he won't turn back. Once he has made up his mind, he won't change it at all. He's just that stubborn.



"Don't . . . be like this," I beg. My fingers clench onto his forearm nervously. I'm scared that he'll push me away. He'll leave me. He'll shut me out of his life forever. "Please . . ." I even add.

"Be like what?" he scoffs. "I'm being myself."

"You're my best friend. I don't want that to change," I tell him.

Yeonjun gently grabs onto my fingers and makes me release him. "Things are bound to change," he informs me, "when you've made a decision already." Giving me a soft smile, he replies, "I probably would have made the same choice as you. You haven't disappointed me yet. Like everyone has said, you'll be in good hands. Hope you two last. Remember to send me an invite to your wedding if you have one."

"Yeonjun, don't--"

"I'm being very calm and level headed here. I'm just telling you the truth." The door now creaks open, and Yeonjun steps out. He is about to take another step, but he turns around and pulls me toward him. He gives me a delicate kiss on my lips that reminds me of a soft paintbrush grazing by. "Good-bye," he whispers. "It was nice while it lasted, and you don't have to extract information from Suho anymore for me. That wouldn't be fair to Sehun."

Shut the door goes.

I can't stand the sound of it. I can't take the idea of Yeonjun fighting alone for his business. He gives part of it like that out of his friendship with Sehun. I know that I shouldn't feel like crying. I know I should be happy that I don't have to lie anymore in front of Suho. I should be happy that Yeonjun still has his morals. He hasn't lost his mind completely, and this is the Yeonjun that I've known for years. He'll do anything for his buddies. He'll give up his happiness any time for his friends. He's that stupid kind of guy, and it hurts me so much to watch him do that. 

I understand that I've been too naive, thinking that nothing will change. The six of us will always stay together. We'll wish for each other's happiness. We'll attend one another's weddings. Our kids will be best friends too. Those . . . are all wishful thinking. Like Yeonjun said, things are bound to change, and he has chosen to break away from the group . . . and me.

You can't have one and the other. I know that phrase well enough, yet . . . I can't get Yeonjun's despairing eyes out of my mind. I have a bad feeling that something is going to happen to him. Something bad . . . and I won't be there to help him.

I can't be there.


I shift my direction to Sehun who is right behind me. "Did you . . ." I mumble.

"Oh," Sehun clarifies, "I was just wondering what you were doing there for so long. Yeonjun left huh?"

"Y-y-y-yeah . . ."

"You told him the truth right?" Sehun confirms.

"I . . ." I know I can't control the tears anymore. I rush to Sehun, burying my face in his chest. "He said good-bye. He said it was good while it lasted. Sehun . . . I d-d-d-d-don't know what to--"

"Shh . . . it's okay," he reassures me. "Just cry it out first. Let the emotions go, and we'll figure out something."

"What? Yeonjun yelled at you again?" Eunhyuk, out of the blue, shouts. 

All the boys gather around me, but Sehun hushes them and shoos them away. They all leave without a word, while I continue to sob. I know that big girls aren't supposed to cry. The tears, though, just can't stop pouring.   

"It hurts," I mutter as my hand touches my chest. "It hurts."

"I know," Sehun quietly says. "I know. That's how first loves feel. They hurt the most, but over time, they become memories and nothing but memories."

Is that how Yeonjun will be like in the future? A distant memory? Something that I play back again and again in my mind?

I'm scared. Really. 

I don't think I can even bear thinking about him anymore.