Oh boy, this is my pet peeve. Please do not start a story with “__’s POV”. The readers can figure out who this person is. Do not underestimate a reader, well, a good one that is.

I don’t know about your airplanes, but the ones I’ve been on say “overhead compartments.”

Don’t start a gerund without a subject. “My moving . . .” is the way to go.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but . . . people on the planes I have been on have never clapped. Everyone is typically in a hurry to get off the plane. They turn on their cell phones and unclasp their seatbelts before the captain’s announcement.

I know you’re trying to add description, but when you do, add more or transition better. You suddenly describe a hall and then you go on to describe how Summer is nervous? Was it something on the wall that made her nervous or does she just see walls and get anxious?

Ah, you had the perfect chance to describe Aunt Esther’s appearance, yet you missed it. If a physical description had followed “she was exactly how I had remembered her”, then I have an idea of what she looks like.
So, I thought your dialogues were fine until I saw a huge error. You need to know when to use commas and when to use periods. You’re confused about this rule. Please read it online or look at some of the other reviews I have done for other people.

No fragments in that way. “The kind you see . . .”  Also, I’m not sold on your house. I know what celebrities’ homes look like, but really, try to describe things fully. Do not be lazy. Oh yes, no slang like “rip off”.

Whoah . . . excessive adjectives that do not sound nice together. “wonderful, caring, lovely . . .” Okay, your character is pretty shallow. Basically, this is what I’m reading about her reasoning. She moves to a new place, claims that she will miss her old friends, especially her best friend, but then says that’s wonderful because she needs to be popular. What do I think of your character? Pitiful and superficial. Oh, let me add on narcissistic. “I wasn’t exactly ugly”? I don’t know what else to comment about that statement.

I don’t think she’s actually feeling embarrassed if she knows that she’s not exactly ugly. I actually think she’s enjoying it secretly, knowing that people are praising her. Please . . . no run ons and no tense changing.

Use a different word other than canvas. You’ve used it a couple of times now. (Do vary your vocabulary. It will make your writing more interesting.)

Comma between two adjectives.

Like I said to another reader, if you’re creating a godly, “hot” guy, please convince me. Please don’t use generic godly terms. Yes, every “hot” guy seems to have some tan, blonde hair, and blue eyes. I don’t think guys would just go, “Oh my god!” That’s girl talk, along with “I’m so stupid” . . . 

Again, she demonstrates her shallowness by apologizing when it’s the guy’s fault. Sad.

So, your guy suddenly turns into a womanizer. From his first words, I thought he was a wimp. Oops.

Okay, your guy, Lucas, is just as shallow as your girl and . . . honestly, what type of boyfriend would call his own girlfriend a queen bitch? 

I read about three chapters and your latest one, and I have to conclude now. This review is getting long, and I already know what to say.

The plot needs a lot of work and so do your characters. Plot? What is the plot? Well, it’s about a teenager desperate for attention that she’d do anything just to be liked. Honestly, I don’t like the message you are sending out to your readers . . . unless of course, your protagonist endures some harsh consequences. This reminds me a lot of a less sexual Gossip Girl’s series and Mean Girls. Yes, Mean Girls, except your character seems to think more highly of herself than the Mean Girls protagonist.

Lucas is her future lover, at some point. Make him interesting. He’s like Ken from Barbie right now. I know his face, well kind of, but I don’t know him as a person.

I think you should be commended for trying to provide descriptions of your setting and for your characters, but they seem rushed. You’re not trying to connect your sentences together. There are jumps between thoughts, and they’re not natural ones.

PS. I don’t think you should ever tell your readers that it may be boring because if you already think it’s boring then yes, it will be boring.

You can make your introductions interesting. Prologues are supposed to entice people. You have already stated that it’s boring . . . twice now so fix it. Don’t take the easy way and tell your readers to go for your interesting parts.

Don’t use this as a sympathy card although it may work. I don’t suggest people doing that. It’s again ignoring your problems.

I hope I have given a noteworthy review,
Jubie (cubierock11)

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